A very compelling and beautifully written memoir. At many times difficult to read due to the trauma and the sadness of what Chanel went through, but very important for many to read. I'm pretty mad that even after all of this, Brock Turner + family have still not apologized or even acknowledged what has happened. Miller's writing is so beautiful and reads like poetry-prose in many instances.

Some Notes

• “He was the one who lost everything. I was just the nobody it happened to”
• “I still didn’t know how to tell my story”
• “I was delusional with how much I was expected to tolerate” (with dudes creeping around and cat calling and staring and strangers calling from cars)
• “Why should I carry the shame for everything that was done to me?” (She is sharing all the details of invasive nurse at hospital)
• “The anniversary of the assault marked a year of treading water”
• “I was tired of existing as an object of observation”
• “How long can humans live in suspended states?”
• “Do I have a right to privacy or do they have a right to know?” Chanel not having told Lucas’ parents about her involvement in the rape case
• “Everyone had become a victim of this crime. Everyone had their story, had doors they secretly hid behind” — Chanel’s friends and family suffered a lot
• “If a victim speaks, but no one acknowledges her, does she make a sound?”
• Lol Brock gets only 6 month sentence bc a sex offender sentence or jail time would ruin is life???? Like wtf also bc Brock suffered from the media attention too…???
• “Is an apology valid without change?”
• “Whatever I did next, I’d get to choose”
• “They gave me 1000 futures to grow into” …. “How do you come after me if it is all of us? One of the greatest dangers of victim hood is the singling out. The assault is never personal. The blaming is”
• “There’s a certain carefree feeling that was stripped from me the night of the assault. How to distinguish spontaneity from recklessness?”
• “Still, I keep those memories close, and remember that it is possible to be naked amongst men and not be asking for it”
• “Sexual assault … is less about sex, more about taking. Sexual assault is stealing … real sex was meant to be exchange”
• “I want to remain ME. So I use my strength not to shove back, but to exercise my voice with control”
• “On a deep level, they wanted to take away my writing, which I would not give away so easily”
• “How many victims have been insulted, made small, because there were no other voices to counter that belief? How many of us have been made to feel humiliated, melodramatic, instead of brilliant, brave… Question who your realities are being written by… Who decided you are important?”